Space Within Barriers | My Greatest Friend in Times of Need

Exploring Patriarchy – Chapter 17

There are many ways to bring positive change and give women rights they don’t have. Legislation works from the outside, but MM could see this worked quite differently on paper and in practise. Unfortunately, she did not have the knowledge or the expertise to speak on these matters.

The home was her arena and she understood it well. She felt that the push for the rights of the home manager and of women, needed to be addressed within the home. Law was not enough. It needed to be supported by social change.

And she decided to tackle just one thing. The disrespect for the role of the home manager that comes to people who have never ever had this responsibility. And who do not know what it feels like to do this efficiently even when one is running on empty and has no support systems in place.

MM’s Complicity

MM could have made this a battle with her husband, but the truth is, a large part of the problem was her. And HER ATTITUDES. Because she too had, without conscious thought, embraced this disrespect.

So she decided to leave her husband to choose his own way, and focus on herself, looking for ideas that would work within the boundaries the family was comfortable with. She would think on broader change later.

Self-created barriers

MM had many ideas that held her back and she started to think about them.

  • The OCD that made her so resistant to trying easy cooking and cleaning routines.
  • The tremendous DISORGANIZATION that was a result of her thinking chores were easy and could be tackled daily in fire-fighting mode.
  • And a DISRESPECT for this aspect of living that made her feel it was not worth any planning, study and understanding.

Her mission was to change herself, her attitudes, and HER ways. And she went to the internet for advice on home organization and storage ideas that cut clutter. Marie Kondo’s shows on Netflix gave her LOTS of ideas on how to go about sorting her home out.

And then, she went to work. Listing out aspects of her house work that really took time, and chores that got her down. She needed a sounding board – someone to talk to on new ideas she’d read about. Someone open to thinking about them and discussing how they could work. And she found the women she knew too resistant to change to help her.

And, as I mentioned in Conditioning and Ways from ‘Becoming Microwave Madam’, MM worked silently. Because the hardest battles are those fought within oneself. And they need some introspection that is best done without an audience.

So MM went to her greatest friend. A friend she had discovered very recently who never let her down. A friend that I have had for many years.


My Greatest Friend in Times of Need

My greatest friend in times of need
I talk to you, say what I please.
You help me out when times get tough 
you listen – never say you’ve had enough.

You’re the one I lean on every day
so I can turn the busy to relaxed. So I can find a way.
You take the weight so it’s off my chest
of all my friends YOU are the BEST!

I dedicate this chapter to my greatest friend. MY DIARY.

I invite you to read all chapters of Exploring Patriarchy and walk with Microwave Madam as she explores the impact of patriarchy on her life and on society. And looks for solutions.

Published by Anitaelise

Anitaelise teaches piano lessons at Anitaelise Piano Studio and writes poetry and essays at The Relaxed Housekeeper.

5 thoughts on “Space Within Barriers | My Greatest Friend in Times of Need

    1. Thanks so much Vignesh! I think I have to write about complicity and the support women give to patriarchy. It’s not a popular idea so I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.

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  1. Excellent insight! Women are complicit – and your discussion of having a plan, a sounding board, and looking for resources for home management are essential. Being able to write in a diary and then read and see how the idea/plan sounds once you’ve gotten it on paper is a useful tool (and a very good “friend”)!

    Liked by 1 person

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