When One Heals the Mother Wound

Exploring Patriarchy – Chapter 32

What IS the Mother-Wound?

I asked Microwave Madam this question and she answered me by telling me what it meant to her personally. This is what she said.

“The Mother-Wound is the emotional trauma and distress experienced by someone of any gender, when that part of society that has lived their lives small tries to shape the lives of others with rules and rigid roles, so they continue the cycle. And pack their wings up before they’ve even learned how to fly.”

She said that this is not gender specific though it could be more prevalent with one gender. And that it isn’t necessary that this comes from parent to child thought it might and often does. She says that she has experienced it as a constraint from rigid social and cultural customs and expectations of her as a woman. Expectations that her husband did not have to cope with because he was a man.

Expectations that she did not fulfil with because she was her mother’s daughter and had married a man who was very much his mother’s son.

She wanted to thank Bethany Webster and the counsellor she went to for menopause support. One for introducing her to the idea of the mother-wound and the other for teaching her to restructure her workflow to cope with post-menopause multi-tasking skills that were average. Not low. Pretty high actually compared to the average person. But nowhere near her amazing and often out-of-this-world pre-menopause multi-tasking skills.

She specifically wanted to thank her counsellor for teaching her to negotiate rest. Because, let’s be honest she said, we do live in a society where women are encouraged to sacrifice themselves even when it serves absolutely no purpose. And even when it teaches their family habits that are unhealthy and lead to their ill health.

The journey to change things is a journey made alone, she said. A journey made amid much pushback. A journey filled with little steps towards happiness and a light that burns brighter every day.

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I invite you to read all chapters of Exploring Patriarchy and walk with Microwave Madam as she explores the impact of patriarchy on her life and on society. And looks for solutions.

Many thanks to Dr Sonali Gharat for her support. For helping me bounce back from a surgical menopause with an activity level that’s higher and yet more relaxed than it’s ever been. For her support to me as I strive to be a better teacher at a time when families are busier than ever. And need teachers to learn new skills and stretch their abilities to understand and adapt.